I’m exhausted. There’s no other way of saying it. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I feel like I’ve been chewed up by a giant energy-eating machine and spat out the other end. The kicker is that this is an entirely new experience for me. Well, maybe I’ve been sick before, and drained before, and stressed out and run down and spent before. But never to this extent and for this long. And I can only sum up how I feel about it in one word. Bleeeehhhhhhh...
Ok, so that’s not really a word, more of a vague representation of the sound I make when I think about how I’ve been feeling for the last 3 months. But it’s the best I’ve got right now. I won’t bore you with the details (partly because it’s gross and partly because I’ve already bored some of you with the details!) but suffice it to say some nasty virus took hold of me around the time of our first wedding anniversary and has refused to let go. I’ve battled with ear infections, chest infections and now chronic sinusitis. My physical energy levels regularly dip to barely above comatose, my mental energy is barely sufficient to absorb a page of information, and my emotional energy was entirely spent back in December. I have nothing left to give.
This particularly sucks because I am now faced with the prospect of trying to manage my PhD deadlines while facing down the barrel of likely surgery. This trifecta of no energy, likely surgery and looming deadlines is a deadly mix. No wonder my blood pressure is going haywire! But the worst part of it is the frustration.
It’s killing me not being able to do the things I normally take for granted. Take exercise for instance. I may not be a super fit gym bunny but I love to exercise and try to get a good dose in every day. It makes me feel good and is great for my health and fitness. But riding in to uni kills me most days and I can do it maximum 2 days a week. Even my regular Pilates video is a struggle. On the days I do decide to get some exercise I crash and burn badly afterwards and struggle through the rest of the day. Studying has become almost impossible, I can’t concentrate on anything and my brain is so fuzzy I’m only taking in half of it anyway. But the worst is the emotional energy.
Now I’m no Mother Teresa, not by any stretch of the imagination, but one thing I really try hard on is being there for my friends. To listen to their problems, to offer support, to celebrate or commiserate with them, to help with little things like loaning a book to big things like moving house. And right now I don’t have the energy for any of it, I have nothing left of myself to give. And it’s an awful feeling, it makes me feel so selfish. And I hate selfish people.
So what’s a girl to do? How does one maximise the chances of getting better through rest and relaxation yet still maintain a life that is fulfilling and rewarding? It’s a question that’s eating away at me lately. I have no idea how to balance my desire to get better with my desire to lead a normal life. Any advice, ideas and experiences would be greatly appreciated, because right now I’m feeling all at sea with not a rescue boat in sight.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Thursday, January 27, 2011
maintaining the rage
So even though I haven't set myself any new years resolutions to break, I still feel guilty for not posting sooner. Go figure! But a very belated happy new year to anyone reading! I've been insanely busy with my PhD proposal which is due in about 5 weeks, and those coming 5 weeks are going to be crazily busy! They are the chief cause of my complacency with blogging, taking up not only my time but also most of my mental and emotional energy.
My PhD is essentially how women are treated by staff in an emergency department when they seek help after suffering violence, and whether intoxication at the time of the attack affects the treatment they receive due to the attitudes and beliefs of the staff that are duty bound to provide care to them. I believe clinical staff, particularly doctors and nurses, have a pivotal role to play in not only the care for these women but also in leading and advocating for societal change in how we view these women, given medicine's level of authority and influence in so many spheres of our life.
I wanted to write about why I feel this is such an important issue, and after struggling with where to start I thought that the best way to do that was to use some excerpts from my literature review...
Violence against women, both nationally and globally, is widespread, with the UN indicating up to 70% of women will experience some form of violence in their lifetime (UN Secretary-General’s campaign UNiTE http://www.un.org/en/women/endviolence/situation.shtml). It knows no boundaries of ethnicity, socio-economic status, religion, postcode or education. Not only is it a major public health problem but a violation of human rights (UN universal declaration of human rights http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/index.shtml). It takes many forms including physical assault, emotional abuse, rape and sexual assault, stalking, harassment, trafficking, femicide and ‘traditional’ practices such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation and so-called honour killings (WHO fact sheet 239 http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs239/en/). Women aged 15-44 across the world are at greater risk of domestic violence and sexual assault than cancer, car accident, malaria and war (World Bank Discussion Paper 255 1994). Injury from sexual assault and physical assault (including domestic violence) is the most common form of violence against women that results in them seeking help from medical services, particularly emergency departments.
The Women’s Safety Australia survey conducted in 1996 (which sadly has not since been replicated) of 6,300 women provides the most comprehensive picture of violence against women in Australia (Women's Safety Australia 1996). It found that 7.1% of women had experienced violence in the last 12 months (5.9% physical violence and 1.9% sexual violence) which based on the Australian population at the time they extrapolated to equate to 404,400 women who experienced physical violence and 133,100 women who experienced sexual violence (p9). Over their lifetime, 33% of women had experienced physical violence and 18% had experienced sexual violence, which based on population figures at the time equated to 2.2 million women who had experienced physical violence in their lifetime and 1.2 million women who had experienced sexual violence (p12). Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics indicates that 41% of all physical assault victims were female and that 2.4% of all women respondents had been victims of a physical assault in the past 12 months (ABS 1370.0 – assault 2010). Globally, the World Bank reports that between 11-60% of women report experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime (world bank 1994). Other studies have identified between 24- 52% (Tjaden Thoennes 1998; Martin et al 2008; Moracco et al 2007) of women experience physical assault in their lifetime.
In their seminal study conducted on a national sample of college students, Koss and Cox found that over 15 percent of female respondents, or approximately 1 in 6, identified experiencing behaviour that met the legal definition of rape (Koss Cox 1988), findings that are consistently reflected in other studies (Easteal 1993; Kilpatrick Edmunds Seymour 1992; DeKeseredy and Kelly 1993; Gavey 1991; Beattie 1992; Brener, McMahon, Warren & Douglas, 1999; Elliott Mok Briere 2004). In Australia, one study revealed that 24% of the women in the survey reported experiencing at least one completed rape in their adulthood, and 31% reported experiencing at least one attempted rape (Spangaro 1993), while recent data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that there were 89 victims of sexual assault (including rape) per 100,000 of the population (ABS 4510.0 2010). However, as noted by the ABS, “there are a number of personal, social, cultural and institutional barriers that may prevent people reporting incidents to the police or reporting incidents in surveys, therefore, it is likely that survey reported victimisation rates underestimate the true incidence of sexual assault” (ABS 1370.0 – sexual assault 2010).
Physical and sexual assault can have serious impact on a woman’s physical and mental health. Studies have shown experiencing violence is linked with fatal and non-fatal injury, both trauma-specific and generalised pain, gastrointenstinal disorders, gynaecological problems, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, disability, disfigurement, sexual dysfunction and mental health problems including post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety and suicidality (Kramer etal 2004; Moracco et al 2007; Resnick et al 2000). This not only affects the quality of life of the victim, but also impacts her family and friends. Experiencing violence also leads to a wide range of emotions including fear, anger, shame, disgust, nervousness, distrust of others, guilt and self-blaming (Campbell 2006). It is unsurprising that even after the physical injuries have healed, the mental and emotional scars can last much longer.
Estimates and studies of the prevalence of alcohol involvement in instances of violence against women vary. Population surveys are one method of gathering prevalence data, and although they rely on self-reporting they provide an important insight. An analysis of the US National Violence Against Women Survey revealed that 19.9% of victims reported intoxication at the time of the assault, and 63.5% perceived that their assailants were intoxicated (Brecklin 2002). In Australia, the Women’s Safety Survey conducted in 1996 revealed that alcohol was present in 41.1% of physical assaults and 38.1% of sexual assaults during the last 12 months (ABS 4128.0). Research studies consistently find that between one third to two thirds of physical or sexual assaults against women involve the perpetrator and/or the victim consuming alcohol (Abbey et al 2003, chase up their refs; Kaysen et al 2010; Brecklin 2002).
Researchers have consistently found that intoxicated victims of physical or sexual assault are deemed more responsible, more blameworthy and having a greater causal role in their victimisation that non-intoxicated victims (Aramburu 1991; Quigley 2006; Cameron 2003). A recent survey conducted by Amnesty International in the UK found that 26% of respondents thought a woman who was drunk when she was raped was partially responsible, and 4% thought that she was totally responsible (Amnesty International 2005). Finch (2007) found that many third party observers hold intoxicated victims at least partially responsible for their victimisation and that these attributions were generally based on different aspects of the victim’s conduct. Quigley and Leonard (2006) argue that this attribution of responsibility for their own victimisation stems from the line of thinking that a person is to blame for choosing to become intoxicated and therefore to blame for their behaviour while intoxicated. Much of the attribution research has been carried out with college students or lay people in mock juror situations. Stewart and Maddren (1997) argued that the findings may not be easily generalised to other groups. They looked at the attributions of blame among police officers, who have specialist knowledge, training and experience in dealing with intoxicated victims of violence, and argued that this specialist knowledge would impact their attributions of blame in such instances. They found that police officers blamed drunk victims more than sober victims, and considered drunk victims “responsible for their victimisation by either provoking the violence or not evading the violence”.(p931) This has significant implications for other professionals with specialist knowledge and skills in dealing with intoxicated victims of violence, particularly health professionals, suggesting that despite the specialist knowledge and training, they may still hold attitudes that seek to blame the victim.
This is clearly a massive problem, both for the victims and for society as a whole that we can foster this level of perpetration and acceptance of violence against women. This is why I'm doing this research. To increase knowledge and change attitudes that will both help the victims and reduce support and acceptance of violence against women across our society. As a survivor. As a woman. And most importantly, as a human being. (I'm happy to provide the full references if anyone would like).
My PhD is essentially how women are treated by staff in an emergency department when they seek help after suffering violence, and whether intoxication at the time of the attack affects the treatment they receive due to the attitudes and beliefs of the staff that are duty bound to provide care to them. I believe clinical staff, particularly doctors and nurses, have a pivotal role to play in not only the care for these women but also in leading and advocating for societal change in how we view these women, given medicine's level of authority and influence in so many spheres of our life.
I wanted to write about why I feel this is such an important issue, and after struggling with where to start I thought that the best way to do that was to use some excerpts from my literature review...
Violence against women, both nationally and globally, is widespread, with the UN indicating up to 70% of women will experience some form of violence in their lifetime (UN Secretary-General’s campaign UNiTE http://www.un.org/en/women/endviolence/situation.shtml). It knows no boundaries of ethnicity, socio-economic status, religion, postcode or education. Not only is it a major public health problem but a violation of human rights (UN universal declaration of human rights http://www.un.org/en/documents/udhr/index.shtml). It takes many forms including physical assault, emotional abuse, rape and sexual assault, stalking, harassment, trafficking, femicide and ‘traditional’ practices such as forced marriage, female genital mutilation and so-called honour killings (WHO fact sheet 239 http://www.who.int/mediacentre/factsheets/fs239/en/). Women aged 15-44 across the world are at greater risk of domestic violence and sexual assault than cancer, car accident, malaria and war (World Bank Discussion Paper 255 1994). Injury from sexual assault and physical assault (including domestic violence) is the most common form of violence against women that results in them seeking help from medical services, particularly emergency departments.
The Women’s Safety Australia survey conducted in 1996 (which sadly has not since been replicated) of 6,300 women provides the most comprehensive picture of violence against women in Australia (Women's Safety Australia 1996). It found that 7.1% of women had experienced violence in the last 12 months (5.9% physical violence and 1.9% sexual violence) which based on the Australian population at the time they extrapolated to equate to 404,400 women who experienced physical violence and 133,100 women who experienced sexual violence (p9). Over their lifetime, 33% of women had experienced physical violence and 18% had experienced sexual violence, which based on population figures at the time equated to 2.2 million women who had experienced physical violence in their lifetime and 1.2 million women who had experienced sexual violence (p12). Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics indicates that 41% of all physical assault victims were female and that 2.4% of all women respondents had been victims of a physical assault in the past 12 months (ABS 1370.0 – assault 2010). Globally, the World Bank reports that between 11-60% of women report experiencing domestic violence in their lifetime (world bank 1994). Other studies have identified between 24- 52% (Tjaden Thoennes 1998; Martin et al 2008; Moracco et al 2007) of women experience physical assault in their lifetime.
In their seminal study conducted on a national sample of college students, Koss and Cox found that over 15 percent of female respondents, or approximately 1 in 6, identified experiencing behaviour that met the legal definition of rape (Koss Cox 1988), findings that are consistently reflected in other studies (Easteal 1993; Kilpatrick Edmunds Seymour 1992; DeKeseredy and Kelly 1993; Gavey 1991; Beattie 1992; Brener, McMahon, Warren & Douglas, 1999; Elliott Mok Briere 2004). In Australia, one study revealed that 24% of the women in the survey reported experiencing at least one completed rape in their adulthood, and 31% reported experiencing at least one attempted rape (Spangaro 1993), while recent data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics shows that there were 89 victims of sexual assault (including rape) per 100,000 of the population (ABS 4510.0 2010). However, as noted by the ABS, “there are a number of personal, social, cultural and institutional barriers that may prevent people reporting incidents to the police or reporting incidents in surveys, therefore, it is likely that survey reported victimisation rates underestimate the true incidence of sexual assault” (ABS 1370.0 – sexual assault 2010).
Physical and sexual assault can have serious impact on a woman’s physical and mental health. Studies have shown experiencing violence is linked with fatal and non-fatal injury, both trauma-specific and generalised pain, gastrointenstinal disorders, gynaecological problems, sexually transmitted diseases, unwanted pregnancies, disability, disfigurement, sexual dysfunction and mental health problems including post traumatic stress disorder, depression, anxiety and suicidality (Kramer etal 2004; Moracco et al 2007; Resnick et al 2000). This not only affects the quality of life of the victim, but also impacts her family and friends. Experiencing violence also leads to a wide range of emotions including fear, anger, shame, disgust, nervousness, distrust of others, guilt and self-blaming (Campbell 2006). It is unsurprising that even after the physical injuries have healed, the mental and emotional scars can last much longer.
Estimates and studies of the prevalence of alcohol involvement in instances of violence against women vary. Population surveys are one method of gathering prevalence data, and although they rely on self-reporting they provide an important insight. An analysis of the US National Violence Against Women Survey revealed that 19.9% of victims reported intoxication at the time of the assault, and 63.5% perceived that their assailants were intoxicated (Brecklin 2002). In Australia, the Women’s Safety Survey conducted in 1996 revealed that alcohol was present in 41.1% of physical assaults and 38.1% of sexual assaults during the last 12 months (ABS 4128.0). Research studies consistently find that between one third to two thirds of physical or sexual assaults against women involve the perpetrator and/or the victim consuming alcohol (Abbey et al 2003, chase up their refs; Kaysen et al 2010; Brecklin 2002).
Researchers have consistently found that intoxicated victims of physical or sexual assault are deemed more responsible, more blameworthy and having a greater causal role in their victimisation that non-intoxicated victims (Aramburu 1991; Quigley 2006; Cameron 2003). A recent survey conducted by Amnesty International in the UK found that 26% of respondents thought a woman who was drunk when she was raped was partially responsible, and 4% thought that she was totally responsible (Amnesty International 2005). Finch (2007) found that many third party observers hold intoxicated victims at least partially responsible for their victimisation and that these attributions were generally based on different aspects of the victim’s conduct. Quigley and Leonard (2006) argue that this attribution of responsibility for their own victimisation stems from the line of thinking that a person is to blame for choosing to become intoxicated and therefore to blame for their behaviour while intoxicated. Much of the attribution research has been carried out with college students or lay people in mock juror situations. Stewart and Maddren (1997) argued that the findings may not be easily generalised to other groups. They looked at the attributions of blame among police officers, who have specialist knowledge, training and experience in dealing with intoxicated victims of violence, and argued that this specialist knowledge would impact their attributions of blame in such instances. They found that police officers blamed drunk victims more than sober victims, and considered drunk victims “responsible for their victimisation by either provoking the violence or not evading the violence”.(p931) This has significant implications for other professionals with specialist knowledge and skills in dealing with intoxicated victims of violence, particularly health professionals, suggesting that despite the specialist knowledge and training, they may still hold attitudes that seek to blame the victim.
This is clearly a massive problem, both for the victims and for society as a whole that we can foster this level of perpetration and acceptance of violence against women. This is why I'm doing this research. To increase knowledge and change attitudes that will both help the victims and reduce support and acceptance of violence against women across our society. As a survivor. As a woman. And most importantly, as a human being. (I'm happy to provide the full references if anyone would like).
Sunday, December 19, 2010
where did the time go?!?!?
It seems lately that every time I've sat down and thought about writing here, something has come up. Meetings, deadlines, social engagements, being very sick for far too long, and now upcoming holidays over the Christmas break. So it was now or never. I had to get one last quick post in before the rapidly approaching new year begins!
I've been wanting to write about a lot of things, such as white ribbon day (did you know it was on November 25, the UN international day for the elimination of violence against women?), about the joys and pitfalls of alcohol, about what I have learned about marriage, about the daily tv travesty that is two and a half misogynists... err, i mean, two and a half men, and about my ongoing battles with my weight, my self-confidence and my budget. I'd also love to post about the hobbies and activities I've been keenly pursuing lately including getting better acquainted with photography, teaching myself new songs on the piano, and learning new recipes and culinary arts.
But in the spirit of the season, I think I'll make my last post for 2010 about those good old foibles, new years resolutions. Don't get me wrong, I actually kind of get the whole 'new year new you' thing. There's something so conceptually inviting about a new year offering a clean slate. It has a real sense of newness about it, it seems so neat and tidy, so sensible and orderly. My brain knows the 1st of January is the the day after the 31st of December, no different from the transition of any other month, and yet when I look at the calendar, it's like the 31st of December didn't exist. All I see before me is month after month of fresh, new, untouched days, weeks and months. A whole year of it.
The problem with new years resolutions is not that we make them, but that we so often make the wrong ones. Ones that we know deep down inside will be impossible to keep. You know what I'm talking about... promises of more exercise, of a new and better diet, trying harder at our jobs or relationships, losing X amount of weight or saving X amount of money. I've tried most of these at various times, often more than one at a time, and yet come February or March I realise I haven't been able to stick to it, I've failed at it, and I give up and try again the next year.
Big things like these I think are fundamentally unsuited to such a starting point. Not only are they generally very long term and life changing behaviours, but starting them needs to happen at the time when it needs to happen, not on such an arbritrary and false date. Take losing weight for example. If you decide you need to lose weight, there's no point waiting until the new year to do it. Start it the day you make the decision that you want to lose weight. Delaying it until the new year is procrastination and is only setting you up for failure. Or another example might be spending more time with your partner. If you think you don't spend enough time with your partner, then the day you realise that is the day you should act. Why wait?!?!
So I'm not making any new years resolutions this year. I love the neatness of them, but I also realised this year during my attempt to rediscover my give-a-shit that if you want to change something, then it is best to just act on it then and there. Do whatever you can in that moment to set the new train in motion. There's no point predicating such important decisions on a false and arbitrary timeframe. Your whole life, never mind just one year, is in front of you, and every day is day one.
Carpe Diem! Seize the day! Or as that famous multi-national sweat-shop dependent Fortune 500 bloated corporation famously says: Just Do It!
I've been wanting to write about a lot of things, such as white ribbon day (did you know it was on November 25, the UN international day for the elimination of violence against women?), about the joys and pitfalls of alcohol, about what I have learned about marriage, about the daily tv travesty that is two and a half misogynists... err, i mean, two and a half men, and about my ongoing battles with my weight, my self-confidence and my budget. I'd also love to post about the hobbies and activities I've been keenly pursuing lately including getting better acquainted with photography, teaching myself new songs on the piano, and learning new recipes and culinary arts.
But in the spirit of the season, I think I'll make my last post for 2010 about those good old foibles, new years resolutions. Don't get me wrong, I actually kind of get the whole 'new year new you' thing. There's something so conceptually inviting about a new year offering a clean slate. It has a real sense of newness about it, it seems so neat and tidy, so sensible and orderly. My brain knows the 1st of January is the the day after the 31st of December, no different from the transition of any other month, and yet when I look at the calendar, it's like the 31st of December didn't exist. All I see before me is month after month of fresh, new, untouched days, weeks and months. A whole year of it.
The problem with new years resolutions is not that we make them, but that we so often make the wrong ones. Ones that we know deep down inside will be impossible to keep. You know what I'm talking about... promises of more exercise, of a new and better diet, trying harder at our jobs or relationships, losing X amount of weight or saving X amount of money. I've tried most of these at various times, often more than one at a time, and yet come February or March I realise I haven't been able to stick to it, I've failed at it, and I give up and try again the next year.
Big things like these I think are fundamentally unsuited to such a starting point. Not only are they generally very long term and life changing behaviours, but starting them needs to happen at the time when it needs to happen, not on such an arbritrary and false date. Take losing weight for example. If you decide you need to lose weight, there's no point waiting until the new year to do it. Start it the day you make the decision that you want to lose weight. Delaying it until the new year is procrastination and is only setting you up for failure. Or another example might be spending more time with your partner. If you think you don't spend enough time with your partner, then the day you realise that is the day you should act. Why wait?!?!
So I'm not making any new years resolutions this year. I love the neatness of them, but I also realised this year during my attempt to rediscover my give-a-shit that if you want to change something, then it is best to just act on it then and there. Do whatever you can in that moment to set the new train in motion. There's no point predicating such important decisions on a false and arbitrary timeframe. Your whole life, never mind just one year, is in front of you, and every day is day one.
Carpe Diem! Seize the day! Or as that famous multi-national sweat-shop dependent Fortune 500 bloated corporation famously says: Just Do It!
Thursday, November 4, 2010
favourite photos - Venice
Ah Venice! I saved the best til last I think. We thoroughly enjoyed ourselves in Venice, and despite only having 3 days to explore, we managed to fit a whole lot in. We found a square close to our hotel, the Santa Margherita square, and decided to eat and drink there ever day, it was just so fabulous and because it was away from the beaten track a bit it felt a little more authentic with a mix of locals and tourists dining there. I had THE BEST pizza ever in my life there!
We well and truly got lost in Venice, and spent our time wandering around the many alleyways, over the myriad bridges, and locating all manner of hidden and famous gems. We crossed the Rialto bridge, we stopped in at the Peggy Guggenheim museum, we visited the Galleria Accademia, we visited dozens of churches and the Casa D'Oro. We took the Number 1 vaporetto down the Grand Canal to San Marco and walked through the famous square and saw the famous Basilica and Doge's Palace. We also walked a full circuit of Venice and visited the original 'ghetto' where the local Jewish population was kept separate from the rest of Venice from the 1516 right up until the secodn World War when 1700 Venetians Jews were sent to the camps. Only 8 returned. It was a confronting moment to try and absorb that.
When we revisited San Marco's Palazzo the queue into the Basilica was enormous, literally about a thousand deep (it's free) so we decided to go into the Doge's Palace first (which isn't free but not very expensive) and explored the buildings there including the chambers of the fledgling 'parliament' and the 'court' rooms, the golden staircase up to the Doge's chambers, and the dungeons including crossing the bridge of sighs where the prisoners caught their last glimpse of venice from the tiny window before being locked and tortured in the dark dungeons (hence the sighs). When we emerged it was high tide which meant that the square had started to flood, scattering the line for the Basilica so that it was only a couple of dozen deep. We saw our chance and queued in the water. The Basilica was truly stunning, the entire ceiling covered in tiny mosaic tiles, most of which are shimmering gold. We climbed to the top and went outside on the 'balcony' to overlook the chaos of the flooded square below us and saw the famous 4 bronze horses which are thought to have originated from France and are carbon dated to 2nd century AD.
On our last morning I finally convinced my husband to lash out and take a gondola. We got up reasonably early and set out. As it was Sunday morning most of the locals were in church and most tourists were still having breakfast. We eventually found a gondolier (it seemed most of them were at church too) and set off around the smaller back canals. It was so utterly beautiful and peaceful. It was a warm sunny day, the sun played hide and seek down the steep alleyways and canals, the water was glistening blue, and we could hear nothing but the sound of the water lapping on the bottom of the boat, church bells ringing in the distance, and our gondolier occassionally calling out 'ouie' as he tured a corner. It was one of the most romantic experiences of my life.
I took this photo as we passed a house with an old boat parked out the front. The sun glinted off the small wake made by our boat and reflected onto the still boat. It captures beautifully the peacefulness and beauty of that precious 40 minutes. It's my favourite photo from the whole trip. Ah venice, we'll be back...
We well and truly got lost in Venice, and spent our time wandering around the many alleyways, over the myriad bridges, and locating all manner of hidden and famous gems. We crossed the Rialto bridge, we stopped in at the Peggy Guggenheim museum, we visited the Galleria Accademia, we visited dozens of churches and the Casa D'Oro. We took the Number 1 vaporetto down the Grand Canal to San Marco and walked through the famous square and saw the famous Basilica and Doge's Palace. We also walked a full circuit of Venice and visited the original 'ghetto' where the local Jewish population was kept separate from the rest of Venice from the 1516 right up until the secodn World War when 1700 Venetians Jews were sent to the camps. Only 8 returned. It was a confronting moment to try and absorb that.
When we revisited San Marco's Palazzo the queue into the Basilica was enormous, literally about a thousand deep (it's free) so we decided to go into the Doge's Palace first (which isn't free but not very expensive) and explored the buildings there including the chambers of the fledgling 'parliament' and the 'court' rooms, the golden staircase up to the Doge's chambers, and the dungeons including crossing the bridge of sighs where the prisoners caught their last glimpse of venice from the tiny window before being locked and tortured in the dark dungeons (hence the sighs). When we emerged it was high tide which meant that the square had started to flood, scattering the line for the Basilica so that it was only a couple of dozen deep. We saw our chance and queued in the water. The Basilica was truly stunning, the entire ceiling covered in tiny mosaic tiles, most of which are shimmering gold. We climbed to the top and went outside on the 'balcony' to overlook the chaos of the flooded square below us and saw the famous 4 bronze horses which are thought to have originated from France and are carbon dated to 2nd century AD.
On our last morning I finally convinced my husband to lash out and take a gondola. We got up reasonably early and set out. As it was Sunday morning most of the locals were in church and most tourists were still having breakfast. We eventually found a gondolier (it seemed most of them were at church too) and set off around the smaller back canals. It was so utterly beautiful and peaceful. It was a warm sunny day, the sun played hide and seek down the steep alleyways and canals, the water was glistening blue, and we could hear nothing but the sound of the water lapping on the bottom of the boat, church bells ringing in the distance, and our gondolier occassionally calling out 'ouie' as he tured a corner. It was one of the most romantic experiences of my life.
I took this photo as we passed a house with an old boat parked out the front. The sun glinted off the small wake made by our boat and reflected onto the still boat. It captures beautifully the peacefulness and beauty of that precious 40 minutes. It's my favourite photo from the whole trip. Ah venice, we'll be back...
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
favourite photos - Dubai
Dubai book-ended our trip to Europe, so we enjoyed a couple of days on the way there and on the way home. Despite doing and seeing lots of thing while we were there, I actually ended up with only a handful of photos. There are a number of reasons for this. Firstly, we were visiting family, and as such we ended up just enjoying the time together rather than rushing around and seeing the sights, and with our 15-month old nephew in the mix, our hands were kept pretty full chasing him around. Another reason is that it was hellishly hot. I mean, I like the heat, but when it's 44 degrees with 80% humidity, it kind of saps you. So we spent a lot of our time indoors in malls and anywhere else airconditioned. When you stepped outside, the camera instantly fogged up and you spent the next 5 minutes wiping it dry and letting it get acclimatised, during which time you had started to burn in the sun and were soaking in sweat. Nuff said. It was also Ramadan on our first two days, and I was being extra careful to be respectful and not appear too touristy, in-your-face 'look at me I'm a Westerner' kind of thing.
And lastly, I got a cold. Which brings me to the photo that best sums up Dubai for me as well as the fact that I quite like the look of the photo. I was given a cold by someone on our plane trip, and on our second day it had it's claws sunk firmly into me and I was feeling pretty rotten. But seeing as we were in Dubai I decided to soldier on and enjoy what it had to offer and wanted to envelop myself in this strange new environment and culture. We headed into Bur Dubai, the old town, to take a boat across Dubai Creek (which is really a big river) and see the gold souk. Hm, nothing more likely to tempt a girl than the promise of all that glitters, even when she's sick. The added complication is that the old town area is even more traditional, so I had to cover neck to toe (tourists aren't expected to wear head scarfs). Oh, and another complication is that because it was Ramadan, noone is allowed to eat or drink in public. So there we were, walking through old Dubai, me head to toe in cotton and linen, it's about 48 degrees and 90% humidity, I'm feeling very sick and faint, and I can't have any water.
Needless to say I didn't last very long. I pulled the boys aside and murmured something about needing to sit down so we went into one of the gold shops for a bit of a look. And hallelujah, it was air-conditioned. But it clearly wasn't enough because after 2 minutes of looking around I felt an urgent need to lie on the ground, and my husband took one look at my white face and sat me down. The men behind the counter instantly recognised that I was struggling and immediately gave me a glass of water. I felt awful, there they were fasting all day every day and I a silly white girl couldn't hack it. I didn't want to be disrespectful and drink in front of them, but they were very supportive, and even dashed across the road to get me a juice. As soon as the cold water and sugar hit my bloodstream I started to feel so much better, but we decided that we should head straight home and get me some sudafed!
But anyway, back to the photo. We were on the boat back across the creek, and it was full of local men going about their business. They all stared at me, this (now very pale and washed out) young white girl with her camera. So I started taking snaps, because I realised in all of the drama I had hardly taken any. The creek was fascinating, it was flanked on both sides by so many beautiful old buildings and mosques, nothing like the high rises down the main drag, but smaller and more beautiful, slightly delapidated and worn out. It seemed such a stark contrast to the massive super-modern high rises in the new area. Along one bank of the creek were a collection of old boats, and it was only when we got close that I realised that these were people's houses, that entire huge families lived on them. Here we were, in Dubai - like Disneyland on crack - and there was such a huge contrast between the haves and the have nots. The boat in the photo caught my eye as it was the most brightly coloured boat in the flotilla, and seemed so beautiful despite looking like it was crumbling apart.
Later that night we managed to get tickets to the Burj Khalifa - the tallest building in the world - through my brother-in-law's boss's brother who was on the board. Ah Dubai, where you really need to know someone in high places! We took the lift to the viewing area on the 124th floor (of 200 storeys) and looked down on Dubai as if we were looking down from a plane. The height was incredible. Here we were in this amazing building, replete with all manner of beautiful modern embellishments, and I thought back to the boat. What a contrast indeed.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
favourite photos - England
Choosing a favourite photo from England proved to be the hardest of all the places we visited. This is mostly because I was born there so there are shades of a certain sense of 'home' in so many of the photos. However, the one I want to share captures so many memories of our time there.
We took a day trip out to the Lakes District (a 2 hour drive from where we were staying) with my Aunt and Uncle, two of my cousins, their partners, and the three girls. We drove along Hadrian's wall, which was built by the Romans in the second Century AD to keep the rabbits.. er, I mean, Scots out. As you can imagine after almost two millenia a lot of it is ruinous and dilapidated. But much of it is still standing, including some old forts.
The wonderful and surprising thing about our time in England was that it was a bit of a gastronomic tour de force. Which, let's be honest, most people wouldn't really associate with England, it's not widely held to be a world leader in culinary delights. But it has so many hidden gems if you know where to look, and after all, no one does tea quite like the British. So we stopped very regularly for tea, lunches, bites to eat and refreshments. Let me tell you it's the way to travel the countryside!
This particular photo was taken at one such tea stop at a small tea house along the small road we were taking, just over a bridge looking onto the river. While the adults located a table to enjoy the rare sunshine (yes it was sunny the whole time we were there!) the two little ones began exploring the vast garden. Like so many old country houses in England, this house had a beautiful large garden that spilled out onto the walkway along the river. There were many trees perfect for climbing, little gates heaving with vines, bushes blooming their last flowers of the summer, and verdant green grass everywhere. And to top it off, they had a giant chess board. But something else caught my eye, or rather, my ear.
To my left I could hear a rustle under a small bush and caught a glimpse of black fur. Calling the girls closer and finally getting them to be quiet, we peered under the bush to try and find out who was under there. Then out dashed a beautiful black rabbit who made a mad dash across a patch of grass for deeper coverage under another bush. The girls screamed in delight and started off in pursuit. This photo is of one of them skipping along the paving stones in search of the elusive bunny.
It makes my heart warm every time I look at it. Although I quietly curse myself for not composing it better to avoid that ugly light (damn you everyday-ness!), at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Despite carrying on later that day to the gorgeous lakes, taking in Ambleside and Grassmere before driving home as dusk through the moors as the mist settled into the valleys, it's still may favourite photo. Despite spending another day at the beach and watching my partner stubbornly wade into the freezing North Sea, or our day up at beautiful Alnwick gardens then home via the coast and the old 13thC Priory at North Shields, and a day spent walking through the the 10thC city of Durham and it's Norman cathedral and beautiful riverside, it's still my favourite photo. It represents so much innocence, happiness and life, which will always put a smaile on my face. ALice in Wonderland eat your heart out.
We took a day trip out to the Lakes District (a 2 hour drive from where we were staying) with my Aunt and Uncle, two of my cousins, their partners, and the three girls. We drove along Hadrian's wall, which was built by the Romans in the second Century AD to keep the rabbits.. er, I mean, Scots out. As you can imagine after almost two millenia a lot of it is ruinous and dilapidated. But much of it is still standing, including some old forts.
The wonderful and surprising thing about our time in England was that it was a bit of a gastronomic tour de force. Which, let's be honest, most people wouldn't really associate with England, it's not widely held to be a world leader in culinary delights. But it has so many hidden gems if you know where to look, and after all, no one does tea quite like the British. So we stopped very regularly for tea, lunches, bites to eat and refreshments. Let me tell you it's the way to travel the countryside!
This particular photo was taken at one such tea stop at a small tea house along the small road we were taking, just over a bridge looking onto the river. While the adults located a table to enjoy the rare sunshine (yes it was sunny the whole time we were there!) the two little ones began exploring the vast garden. Like so many old country houses in England, this house had a beautiful large garden that spilled out onto the walkway along the river. There were many trees perfect for climbing, little gates heaving with vines, bushes blooming their last flowers of the summer, and verdant green grass everywhere. And to top it off, they had a giant chess board. But something else caught my eye, or rather, my ear.
To my left I could hear a rustle under a small bush and caught a glimpse of black fur. Calling the girls closer and finally getting them to be quiet, we peered under the bush to try and find out who was under there. Then out dashed a beautiful black rabbit who made a mad dash across a patch of grass for deeper coverage under another bush. The girls screamed in delight and started off in pursuit. This photo is of one of them skipping along the paving stones in search of the elusive bunny.
It makes my heart warm every time I look at it. Although I quietly curse myself for not composing it better to avoid that ugly light (damn you everyday-ness!), at the end of the day it doesn't really matter. Despite carrying on later that day to the gorgeous lakes, taking in Ambleside and Grassmere before driving home as dusk through the moors as the mist settled into the valleys, it's still may favourite photo. Despite spending another day at the beach and watching my partner stubbornly wade into the freezing North Sea, or our day up at beautiful Alnwick gardens then home via the coast and the old 13thC Priory at North Shields, and a day spent walking through the the 10thC city of Durham and it's Norman cathedral and beautiful riverside, it's still my favourite photo. It represents so much innocence, happiness and life, which will always put a smaile on my face. ALice in Wonderland eat your heart out.
Monday, October 18, 2010
favourite photos - Paris
I thought I might do another quick post today to share my favourite photo from Paris.
We had 3 amazing days in Paris and managed to cram so much in. We walked from our hotel to the Eiffel Tower then caught the batobus along the Seine to the Notre Dame Cathedral which was spectacular, then on to wander through the Jardins des Plantes. On our second day it decided to rain, boo! But we took the metro to the Arc de Triomphe which was beautifully breathtaking, then walked all the way down the Champs Elysees which is a mighty long way, befroe finally arriving at le Musee de Louvre.
Once ensconced inside we wandered through taking in so many famous sculptures and paintings, including the Winged Victory and the beautiful Venus de Milo. Despite my protestations, we went to see the Mona Lisa. I have to profess I wasn't particularly keen, the Louvre was already very crowded as everyone had clearly decided to go there to escape the rain, and the thought of the teeming crowds just for this one tiny painting didn't appeal. But we forged on, and I'm glad I did, because it really is something a bit special. But what was even more interesting for me is that she shares a large room with a couple of dozen other paintings, all of which are also very beautiful. Yet there she was, this tiny painting, with a huge wall all to herself and a mosh-pit style sectioned-off area. Everyone was straining to get close and take a photo, sadly many of whom were ignoring the directions for no flashes (which can eventually damage the paint just like sunlight), and they were all completely ignoring all the other beautiful paintings in the room. I felt sorry for these other paintings, it's like being the prettiest girl in the village then having to share the stage with Miss Universe or something.
I eventually persuaded my husband to go and look at the sculpture section, and we came across this stunning piece. It is Psyche revived by Cupid's kiss, by Canova. Despite being carved in the 18th Century, it was so flawless and smooth. The emotion and movement was captured so brilliantly.
It captures a lot of what Paris was for me. Apart from being inherently romantic, Paris is a very beautiful city, everywhere you turn there are gorgeous things to look at, such fine attention to every little detail. Parisians are also a stylish bunch, there is no such thing as overdressed in Paris. And yet, they take all this beauty in their stride, seeming to hardly notice it, taking it for granted that surely all the world must have such beautiful architecture and beautifully maintained parks and gardens and sculptures that you can glance at and then keep walking by. And while I stood there i awe of this work of art, so many people just walked right on by, barely taking it in. We had it all to ourselves for a minute before the next tour group arrived with their damn flashes.
Paris is a beautiful piece of the planet, and next time I'll be packing some much nicer clothes!
We had 3 amazing days in Paris and managed to cram so much in. We walked from our hotel to the Eiffel Tower then caught the batobus along the Seine to the Notre Dame Cathedral which was spectacular, then on to wander through the Jardins des Plantes. On our second day it decided to rain, boo! But we took the metro to the Arc de Triomphe which was beautifully breathtaking, then walked all the way down the Champs Elysees which is a mighty long way, befroe finally arriving at le Musee de Louvre.
Once ensconced inside we wandered through taking in so many famous sculptures and paintings, including the Winged Victory and the beautiful Venus de Milo. Despite my protestations, we went to see the Mona Lisa. I have to profess I wasn't particularly keen, the Louvre was already very crowded as everyone had clearly decided to go there to escape the rain, and the thought of the teeming crowds just for this one tiny painting didn't appeal. But we forged on, and I'm glad I did, because it really is something a bit special. But what was even more interesting for me is that she shares a large room with a couple of dozen other paintings, all of which are also very beautiful. Yet there she was, this tiny painting, with a huge wall all to herself and a mosh-pit style sectioned-off area. Everyone was straining to get close and take a photo, sadly many of whom were ignoring the directions for no flashes (which can eventually damage the paint just like sunlight), and they were all completely ignoring all the other beautiful paintings in the room. I felt sorry for these other paintings, it's like being the prettiest girl in the village then having to share the stage with Miss Universe or something.
I eventually persuaded my husband to go and look at the sculpture section, and we came across this stunning piece. It is Psyche revived by Cupid's kiss, by Canova. Despite being carved in the 18th Century, it was so flawless and smooth. The emotion and movement was captured so brilliantly.
It captures a lot of what Paris was for me. Apart from being inherently romantic, Paris is a very beautiful city, everywhere you turn there are gorgeous things to look at, such fine attention to every little detail. Parisians are also a stylish bunch, there is no such thing as overdressed in Paris. And yet, they take all this beauty in their stride, seeming to hardly notice it, taking it for granted that surely all the world must have such beautiful architecture and beautifully maintained parks and gardens and sculptures that you can glance at and then keep walking by. And while I stood there i awe of this work of art, so many people just walked right on by, barely taking it in. We had it all to ourselves for a minute before the next tour group arrived with their damn flashes.
Paris is a beautiful piece of the planet, and next time I'll be packing some much nicer clothes!
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