I've started reading a very funny and insightful book by Kasey Edwards titled 'Thirty Something and Over It'. In it, she talks about losing her give-a-shit. I love this concept, it describes perfectly the meaning or lack thereof about life in general and work in particular (apologies if it's offended anyone).
I think this has resonated with me because I too have lost my give-a-shit, mostly about my work and the career I am pursuing. I question daily where I'm going, what I'm trying to achieve. And I know with certainty that where I am right now in life is not fulfilling me, that I don't have enough meaning, purpose, drive and enthusiasm . I feel like the fail whale. This leads me to conclude that I must make changes and alter the direction of my path.
The problem is deciding which direction to take, and whether it will help me find my give-a-shit again. I really do have a lot of give-a-shit about many other things in my life, especially my wonderful husband, my fabulous friends, and the many joyous hobbies I have like cooking, photography, hiking and all things wedding. But this still doesn't balance out right, it's not enough. I need to give-a-shit about my career too.
A few people have imparted sage, wise words of advice that have certainly helped. Particularly that to expect creative fulfillment and a sense of true purpose out of your job is an unrealistic expectation, that it's just to pay the rent, and that hobbies are where you get your fulfillment and purpose in life. That a job is something that you do, not who you are. I fully agree with this last statement. I don't want to define myself by my job. BUT...
I still think it's not totally unrealistic to be able to pursue a career that, despite the ups and downs, I can find fulfilling. That ticks most of the boxes - it challenges me, it rewards me, it lets me be creative, it lets me follow what i'm passionate about, it helps me help others. I don't really care about the pay, so long as it's enough to stay on top of things, I just feel like I'm missing out on something that could be infinitely more rewarding.
A few friends are lucky enough to have found careers that they find so fulfilling, just talking to them they ooze satisfaction and contentment. I am green with envy. But all of them have taken a big risk. They have followed their hearts and pursued careers that have enabled them to incorporate to varying degrees their hobbies, what they are passionate about. I wonder if I shouldn't be just as brave and step out into the unknown and follow my dreams.
Except for so long my dreams were to follow the path that I'm on now. I need to create new dreams and new goals, and that's going to take time. I know I love to write (hence my blog! I need a receptacle for the overflow of my excessive verbosity), and I love to tell stories and take photographs. I love to create, to play around with colours and textures and come up with something new. I am most passionate about women's autonomy, equality and value. I am almost as passionate about weddings. I love the great outdoors, getting out in the fresh air and surrounding myself with the wonders of nature and ensuring it is protected and preserved.
The options are endless. How can I ever find a new path? Where on earth do I start in trying to rediscover my give-a-shit?!?!?!
Personally, I think we spend so much of our time at work, it needs to satisfy at least some of our emotional and intellectual needs and wants.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoy my job (most days) but ultimately it is a means to an end. I have a plan, which sees me working in my current role for another six years, after which we will hopefully be in a position to run our own businesses full time.
Have you made any progress in deciding what you want to do career-wise? I've always found it helpful to imagine myself doing particular things day in and day out for months on end with no break. If the thought fills me with joy, I know I'm on the right track but if it fills me with dread it's back to the drawing board!