slut or not, rape is still rape

Starting as a localised protest about the remarks made by a policeman in Canada who blamed a woman for being raped because of the way she dressed, Slutwalk has become a worldwide phenomenon of women who are fed up of being blamed for rape. Since the 1960s, women have had to continuously fight against a culture of victim blaming that seeks to maintain the power imbalance between men and women. It breaks my heart that 50 years later, despite many inroads towards gender equality, we are still fighting that fight.

We all know what this culture looks and sounds like, we live it every day. We see it in the media, on the streets, and even in our personal lives.”She was asking for it”, “she was flirting with me”, “she was drunk”, “she said no but she really meant yes”, “she’s slept with others”, “she was dressed like a slut”. These rape myths seek to reinforce sex roles that see men as entitled to sexual fulfilment and in control, and sees women as sexually subordinate and existing for men’s gratification. Men take, women are taken. It is ironic that despite men having all the power and control, women are the gatekeepers of sex. Women are the ones who must say no, must fight back, must not be provocative, and must not get intoxicated. These rape myths all lay the responsibility of the rape at the feet of women.

But they don’t exist in some abstract universe, they exist in everyday people. They are a pervasive and insidious part of our culture. So much so that they have appeared in police statements, medical records, court proceedings and even in judge comments. They are so insidious that they even exist in you and me. It hurts to say it, but it’s true. I grew up with family members who thought this way, with peers in school who thought this way, with media that portrayed it this way. And you did too.

Thankfully as adults we have the opportunity to think more consciously about it and realise that these rape myths are total and utter bullshit. That no woman is responsible for being raped, no matter who she is, what her sexual history, what she had been drinking, how much she was flirting, or what she had been wearing. That no really does mean no. But sadly not everyone takes the opportunity to think consciously about it. Our cultural understanding of rape is dominated by these myths, stereotypes and mistruths.

This is what Slutwalk was about. It was about bringing attention to the fact this our cultural understanding of rape has not fundamentally changed in 50 years. It was about saying enough is enough. It was about using that wonderful term of derision – slut – to take away some of its power, because lord knows, it gets bandied around way too much when discussing women’s behaviour and attire.

I often get asked what I think about “slutty” clothes and behaviour, because it presents a very real and practical conundrum. One the one hand, without a question in my mind women (and men for that matter) should be able to wear whatever they please, and express themselves in whatever way they please so long as it does not harm anyone else. I may think it rarely looks classy, or even sexy, but they are my values and tastes and I won’t impose them on others. However, on the other hand it is clear to anyone that has been out in public that wearing revealing clothing and behaving in a sexualised way will attract attention. Most of that attention is benign, ranging from Grannies shaking their heads to young blokes thinking wahey! But there is also a certain amount of attention that is sexualised, that sees it as an invitation to take advantage. It shouldn’t, but it does.

And therein lies the rub. That is the part of our culture that needs to change. While there are people in our society who think that women who dress or behave “provocatively” (and I use that loaded term loosely) are inviting sexual assault, then there is still a need to keep fighting for cultural change. Because in this day and age surely we all know by now that it’s not just ‘innocent’ women who can be raped. “Sluts” can be raped too. No-one deserves it, and no matter what the circumstances the only person who is responsible is the rapist. Full stop.

look once, look twice, look bike!

As a regular commuter on my bike for some time, I've seen some pretty poor behaviour over the years. Some of it from pedestrians, some of it from other cyclists, and most of it from mostorists. I have always maintained that it is the responsibility of everyone who uses the road to do the right thing, to behave appropriately and to be considerate.

I believe that sadly there is a certain proportion of people in this world who are selfish wankers. You know the ones, we've all met them or worked with them: they're the people that are always rude, obnoxious, treat other people badly, and think that it's all about them. It turns out that some of them ride bikes, and some of them drive cars. Honestly I've seen some cyclists that give me the absolute shits, blatantly running red lights, riding on the footpath, and generally doing stupid things that inconvenience others. I hate these guys because they give the rest of us a bad reputation. In that grand old tradition of tarring everyone with the same brush, many people who can't think for themselves simply see cyclists behaving badly like this and assume that all cyclists therefore are wankers.

And I've seen plenty of evidence of motorists behaving badly too. Opening car doors onto oncoming cyclists, driving too closely, cutting bikes off, beeping and yelling abuse, not giving way and pulling out in front of oncoming bikes. I see at least one of these thing happen most days that I ride - that is no exaggeration. It would be so easy for me to fall into the trap of tarring all motorists with the same brush ad assuming that they're all wankers. But of course I know they're not, because I'm aware enough to realise that for every motorist that behaves badly, there are countless others who go about their business doing the right thing, and in fact many who are very polite and give way to me when they don't have to or give me a very wide berth just to be safe.

It would be wonderful if everyone, cyclists and motorists, could stop and think for a moment and realise that despite that small proportion of cyclists and motorists who do the wrong thing and behave badly, there is a huge proportion who get on with it and do the right thing, are considerate and polite, and follow the road rules. You tend not to notice them as much as the bad eggs because they fade into the background, because they're behaving the way that they should. And without wishing to sound like a Miss Universe contestant, wouldn't it be nice if we could all just get along for once.

But I would like to make one distinction. Without a doubt bikes can be very dangerous and cause a lot of damage. But cars and other vehicles, they are deadly weapons. The amount of damage they can cause to each other is vast and undeniable, let alone to a cyclist. I posted last year about a crash I had where a car cut in front of me without seeing me, sending me careening into the side of the car at around 30kmph. Needless to say the occupants of the car were completely without physical impact - though they were visibly upset and shaken - whereas I ended up covered in bruises, stiff and sore, with my wheel buckled. I was lucky to not receive more serious injuries because I was able to stay upright. This power differential is undeniable, and will never change. I believe that it therefore places an extra onus on motorists - as the drivers of vehicles that can cause a serious amount of damage - to take greater caution around cyclists (and others in general).

I want to relay one other story. A couple of weeks ago I witnessed some of the worst road rage I have ever seen. Another cyclist overtook me (yes, sadly he was much fitter than I!) completely legally, and I even had time to look over my shoulder as he did so and noted that there was plenty of room in the lane to do so with a 4WD behind him in the lane. However, the driver of the 4WD took umbrage that this cyclist was in front of him (shock horror, he couldn't accelerate as fast as he would have liked, which woudl actually have been pointless as there was a red light up ahead) and proceeded to chase down the cyclist and swerve into him. The cyclist, shocked as he was, was able to get out of the way in time, and as the light turned green he took off again (might I add I was right behind the other cyclist this whole time, and we were both following the road rules and doing everything right), when the driver swerved again into where we were riding, narrowly missing both of us. We had to stop as he had completely blocked our path. He then proceeded to get out of his car, which he had stopped in the middle of a busy lane in the city, and verbally abuse the other cyclist. The other cyclist looked bewildered, said that he was sorry if he felt inconvenienced, and then managed to ride off again. At the next set of lights the driver did the same thing again, swerving into us and narrowly missing both of us, before he opened his window and yelled abuse again, then sped off. I was so shocked and upset I had trouble cycling all the way home. That man had gotten into such a rage over a trifling minor inconvenience which was completely legal, and used his massive car as a weapon. He could have easily knocked one or both of us off our bikes if we weren't being so careful and anticipating his erratic and boorish behaviour.

Think about that for a moment. A perceived slight resulted in a great big 4WD being used essentially as a weapon to intimidate if not harm. I can't imagine what made him think that was reasonable behaviour, even if the cyclist had done something wrong how could that ever be an acceptable way to react. Yep, he was definitely one of the aforementioned wankers that happens to drive a car.

There was a TV campaign when I was a child in England that went "look once, look twice, look bike" to raise awareness of cyclists and the rights and responsibilities of sharing the road. I believe it applies as much today as ever. I really do wish we could all just share the road fairly and responsibly and do the right thing, but I also know that as long as a small proportion of motorists think it's acceptable to behave so badly towards cyclists, the massive power differential will mean that cyclists will always feel more vulnerable and therefore defensive.

Stay safe on the roads, and remember to not just look for cars or a pair of headlights, but look for bikes and little flashing lights too!