slut or not, rape is still rape

Starting as a localised protest about the remarks made by a policeman in Canada who blamed a woman for being raped because of the way she dressed, Slutwalk has become a worldwide phenomenon of women who are fed up of being blamed for rape. Since the 1960s, women have had to continuously fight against a culture of victim blaming that seeks to maintain the power imbalance between men and women. It breaks my heart that 50 years later, despite many inroads towards gender equality, we are still fighting that fight.

We all know what this culture looks and sounds like, we live it every day. We see it in the media, on the streets, and even in our personal lives.”She was asking for it”, “she was flirting with me”, “she was drunk”, “she said no but she really meant yes”, “she’s slept with others”, “she was dressed like a slut”. These rape myths seek to reinforce sex roles that see men as entitled to sexual fulfilment and in control, and sees women as sexually subordinate and existing for men’s gratification. Men take, women are taken. It is ironic that despite men having all the power and control, women are the gatekeepers of sex. Women are the ones who must say no, must fight back, must not be provocative, and must not get intoxicated. These rape myths all lay the responsibility of the rape at the feet of women.

But they don’t exist in some abstract universe, they exist in everyday people. They are a pervasive and insidious part of our culture. So much so that they have appeared in police statements, medical records, court proceedings and even in judge comments. They are so insidious that they even exist in you and me. It hurts to say it, but it’s true. I grew up with family members who thought this way, with peers in school who thought this way, with media that portrayed it this way. And you did too.

Thankfully as adults we have the opportunity to think more consciously about it and realise that these rape myths are total and utter bullshit. That no woman is responsible for being raped, no matter who she is, what her sexual history, what she had been drinking, how much she was flirting, or what she had been wearing. That no really does mean no. But sadly not everyone takes the opportunity to think consciously about it. Our cultural understanding of rape is dominated by these myths, stereotypes and mistruths.

This is what Slutwalk was about. It was about bringing attention to the fact this our cultural understanding of rape has not fundamentally changed in 50 years. It was about saying enough is enough. It was about using that wonderful term of derision – slut – to take away some of its power, because lord knows, it gets bandied around way too much when discussing women’s behaviour and attire.

I often get asked what I think about “slutty” clothes and behaviour, because it presents a very real and practical conundrum. One the one hand, without a question in my mind women (and men for that matter) should be able to wear whatever they please, and express themselves in whatever way they please so long as it does not harm anyone else. I may think it rarely looks classy, or even sexy, but they are my values and tastes and I won’t impose them on others. However, on the other hand it is clear to anyone that has been out in public that wearing revealing clothing and behaving in a sexualised way will attract attention. Most of that attention is benign, ranging from Grannies shaking their heads to young blokes thinking wahey! But there is also a certain amount of attention that is sexualised, that sees it as an invitation to take advantage. It shouldn’t, but it does.

And therein lies the rub. That is the part of our culture that needs to change. While there are people in our society who think that women who dress or behave “provocatively” (and I use that loaded term loosely) are inviting sexual assault, then there is still a need to keep fighting for cultural change. Because in this day and age surely we all know by now that it’s not just ‘innocent’ women who can be raped. “Sluts” can be raped too. No-one deserves it, and no matter what the circumstances the only person who is responsible is the rapist. Full stop.