12WBT pre-season

It has been far too long since I posted anything on my blog, and I figured this was the perfect time to start it up again. After struggling with my self-image, my eating and my fitness on and off for a while, a very dear and amazing friend signed me up to Round 1 of the Michelle Bridges 12WBT. She knew I needed structure, I needed accountability, I needed guidance and support, and I needed new challenges and ideas to get me back on track and feeling positive and healthy like never before! I've been embracing all of the pre-season tasks which has been an interesting and rewarding experience. From identifying my excuses and bad habits, setting goals and chucking out bad food, to doing a fitness test and about to take a heap of measurements (scared!!!!) it has been an amazing journey so far! With less than a week to go I wanted to create a space where I could record my highs and lows, my triumphs and failures, and the rollercoaster that this journey represents. As an over-sharer all of my life, it's important to me to be able to make what I'm going through seem real and valid. So here it is, in all it's naked truth... my 12WBT diary. I'm hoping it will enable me to engage in some critical thought and self-reflection, and understand not only where I am coming from but also where I am going. My weaknesses are 'treats' and eating 'because it's there' - both stem from my childhood where treats were rare and we made the best of it while it lasted, and from often not having a lot of food so you eat what you're given and that plate better be clean by the end of dinner or you'll go hungry! I don't blame my family for this at all, I was surrounded by love and I know they did the best they could and more, often making big sacrifices to give us all sorts of things and experiences. But understanding where it stems from is important if I'm going to be able to conquer it. I am also a bit of a perfectionist, which is a double edged sword. On the one hand it brings with it a disproportionate fear of failure, and I often give up easily or don't even try because I'm so afraid of failing. I am horribly hard on myself. But in the spirit of being positive, I also recognise it gives me the ability to aim really high and push myself really hard in order to meet those goals and standards. My strengths lie in my stubbornness, and my strong desire for a fulfilling life. I have more willpower than I give myself credit for, and ever since I was little I would respond well to any comments along the lines of 'you can't do it', especially if finished with 'because you're a girl'! I'll show you, I think to myself. I'll show you and then some! I know I respond well to a challenge, and to encouragement that pushes and supports. I also have big dreams for my life, for my future, and I don't want anything getting in the way of that. I'm a planner from way back (part of the perfectionist streak), and I can plan like nobody's business, and if anything gets in the way of my plans I will do whatever it takes to remove it or get past it. So that's me in a nutshell. Bring it on!